Guest Contributor, HAHAT Blog Tour, Jaime Samms

Our HAHAT 2014 Blog Tour Concludes Today With Jaime Samms And A Giveaway


8f412-hahat2b2014The Novel Approach would like to extend a final thank you to everyone who has followed along, commented, and participated in any way in the Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia.

A very special thank you goes to B. Addler, Kade Boehme, and to Jaime Samms for allowing us to share their stories with all of you.

THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED

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Being Bi is a curious thing.

Trust me. People are curious when you tell them you’re bi. It’s like you’ve mentioned having an extra toe or that the white patch of hair at your temple is not dyed, but grows that way naturally. They want to know if that’s even truly possible. If it’s real.

Worse, they want to see. Like something about you that is so ingrained and intimate should be questioned and examined by people who don’t really know you.

And try telling someone who you do know well and watch the accusations fly. Like something that intrinsic and personal should have been their personal right to know about me. Because…why? It makes me a different person to be bi when five minutes ago, I was…what? Apparently straight? And why would you think that about me? Or, rather, why would you assume it?

And see, that’s the problem I have. I think that’s the problem a lot of people have. We assume that people are one way without ever bothering to imagine that we might be 100% wrong. Why do I have to explain to someone I have no romantic or physical interest in who I might be romantically or physically attracted to? I don’t. Because it isn’t part of that relationship. Period. (And FYI, person, if you think it has a bearing on the relationship, that isn’t my problem, it’s yours.)

Why would it matter to the person I am committed to who else I might find attractive? Either they trust me to be faithful or they don’t. Does it matter the gender of the person I could theoretically be unfaithful with? Or does it matter that the person I’m with is confident in my love for them and my commitment to only be with them, because that is the promise I made? Being bi doesn’t make me any less willing to commit to the person I love. It just doesn’t. Period. (And FYI, if the relationship isn’t based in trust, that’s a whole other issue. Thankfully, mine is, 150% based on absolute trust and it goes both ways.) Also, being prone to faithlessness to a partner is something that comes from a whole other place in a person’s soul than who they may or may not be attracted to. Just sayin’.

So, before I rant too much more, let’s just agree on one thing. I know all the arguments for and against being bi. I’ve angrily and heatedly spouted them all at various people at various times of my life.There are a million angry arguments about why my orientation and preferences are no one’s business but my own and why I don’t have to defend myself for it, or share it if I don’t want to.

There is one reason for me to speak up, and it’s this conversation I had with my teenage daughter less than a month ago.

Me: Did you ever ask [cute boy from one of her classes] to the movies?

Her: No. *sigh* I was too nervous. I guess I wasn’t ready.

Me: I guess not. *hugging her* Don’t worry about it. You’ll get a chance.

Her: I’ll have a chance to ask him again. Or to ask some other boy. Me: Is there another boy?

Her: No. But if there were a boy, or a maybe girl *glances sheepishly from beneath the brim of her pageboy hat* I wanted to go to the movies with, and I’m supposed to go, then I won’t feel so awkward asking. It’ll feel like the right time to ask, and I’ll ask, and it’ll be fine. *turns on Netflix* And they’ll have to like Dr. Who and Glee. and be at least as nerdy as I am.

Me: *refrains from observing aloud that there is probably not another teen on the planet as nerdy, as beautiful, or as brilliant, as mine.* Because that would just embarrass the hell out of her. But it’s my mother’s prerogative to be proud of her.

I sure as hell know I was not so self-aware as she is when I was that age. I barely knew there was such a thing as same-sex attraction, and what I did know made me afraid I was either a freak or crazy. I think “nerd” is quite a step up from where I was at her age, and I hope that not being afraid to be who I am, finally, so late in the game for me, is what has made her think nothing much of announcing who she is, who she might be, who she wants to be. That’s why talking about it is important.

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About the Author: Jaime has been writing for various publishers since the fall of 2008, although she’s been writing for herself far longer. Often asked why men; what’s so fascinating about writing stories about men falling in love, she’s never come up with a clear answer. Just that these are the stories that she loves to read, so it seemed to make sense if she was going to write, they should also be the stories she wrote.

These days, you can find plenty of free reading on her website. She also writes for Freya’s Bower, Loveyoudivine Alterotica, Pink Petal Books, Dreamspinner Press and Total E-Bound.

Spare time, when it can be found rolled into a ball at the back of the dryer or cavorting with the dust bunnies in the corners, she’s probably spending reading, drawing, gardening (weather permitting, of course, since she is Canadian!) or watching movies. Well. She has a day job or two, as well, and two kids, but thankfully, also a wonderful husband who shoulders more than his fair share of household and child care responsibilities.

She graduated some time ago from college with a Fine Arts diploma, with a major in textile arts, which basically qualifies her to draw pictures and create things with string and fabric. One always needs an official slip of paper to fall back on after all….

Website | facebook | Livejournal | Deviantart | Twitter | Amazon Author page

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52 thoughts on “Our HAHAT 2014 Blog Tour Concludes Today With Jaime Samms And A Giveaway

    • jaimesamms says:

      :) thanks, Nikka. And thanks to Novel Approach for letting me rant a bit. I guess i have a few buttons left to push on the subject :)

      Like

  1. Pingback: The Hop Against Homophobia And Transphobia 2014 Kicks Off Today With A Giveaway « The Novel Approach

  2. Jen CW says:

    I can understand why you would feel so frustrated with all the accusations and questions. You’re right. It’s not anyone’s business but the person you love and trust. I worked with a lesbian a few years ago and we became good friends. It surprised me one day when she remarked that I must have had other close gay friends in the past. I asked why; her answer was that I never treated her different once I knew her sexual preference. That shocked me especially since she said so many other people in our workplace had. It made me sad. She was no different a person before or after people knew her sexual orientation. I hope my kids never have to deal with that.

    Like

    • jaimesamms says:

      Not sure what my kids will have to deal with outside the house, Jen. Can’t predict that. But it warms me that they know they can speak up and be real with us, at least.

      Like

  3. jenf27 says:

    Thanks for sharing your experiences and that wonderful conversation with your daughter! It sounds like you have done a wonderful job raising a self-aware, and self-accepting child. I am trying to do the same (mine are much younger right now). Hope I have the same success. :-)

    jlf827 {at} icloud {dot} com

    Like

    • jaimesamms says:

      Parenting is one of those things, jenf. You never know for sure if you’re doing it right until it’s practically done. And you don’t get a guidebook or manual. I guess it’s true what they say, though. You tend to do the opposite of what your parents did, sometimes, and I guess that’s what I’m doing, because my kids are a lot more open-minded than I was simply because we talk about things my parents never, ever spoke openly about even when it was in the room with us. Good luck with all your parenting challenges! I would so love to tell yo it gets easier, but the truth is, it just gets different, and at the same time, more rewarding. Hugs!

      Like

  4. Trix says:

    I’m blown away by the openness and communication between you and your daughter–something for the rest of us to strive for!

    Like

  5. Shirley Ann Speakman says:

    You have a wonderful daughter and I’m sure she knows she has a great mum she can talk to.

    ShirleyAnn(at)speakman40(dot)freeserve(dot)co(dot)uk

    Like

  6. Lisa says:

    I don’t understand people’s hang ups. It should be no one’s business but yours. Sounds like you have a great relationship with your daughter. That’s pretty cool. :)

    Like

    • jaimesamms says:

      It really isn’t anyone’s business, Lisa, but no one ever talked about this when I was a kid and I grew up with some pretty unhealthy ideas about myself as a person because of that. I talk about it now so my kids have a healthier and happier outlook on life. I hope, anyway :)

      Like

  7. Thank you for this beautiful post. As a sociologist, I tried to teach my students that one’s sexual orientation is hardwired, similar to one’s sex organs, and isn’t a matter of choice. I’ve never considered one’s sexual orientation as any more important than one’s religious affiliation when choosing friends. Actually, it’s less important. Sometimes those who are particularly religiously devout will try to recruit. My bi-or gay friends don’t do ever do that. When my kids ask questions, I answer and I answer calmly and casually, and make sure they know that girls having girlfriends or boys having boyfriends isn’t a big deal; it’s just part of life. michelle_willms at yahoo dot com.

    Like

  8. Allison says:

    What a wonderful post! It is wonderful that your daughter is not only self-aware but comfortable about it. It makes me realize how much better the future will be.

    Like

    • jaimesamms says:

      I sincerely hope so, Allison. She and her brother are great kids, and they still think nothing is impossible, so I have a lot of hope.

      Like

  9. Penumbra says:

    I’ve been reading a lot about how some people seem to think that being Bi is an oddity and a person needs to be either straight or gay/lesbian.

    penumbrareads(at)gmail(dot)com

    Like

    • jaimesamms says:

      Everyone, of course, is entitled to think what they will. I’m not on a crusade to change people’s minds about what they believe. I only speak my own truth and hopefully make it safe for my kids to speak theirs, and in so doing, discover who they are and what they want in life.

      Like

  10. Jennifer B says:

    What an awesome article! My eldest and I have conversations very much like this. Glad to see others have the same awesomesauce ideas!

    Like

  11. su says:

    Thank you for your post. It’s wonderful, but still frightening, how much teenagers (and even those younger) know and understand more than I did when I was their age (which seems like many years ago now). Its partly because they are part of a larger social network, due to the Facebook/twitter and other social media, which was not really around when I was a teenager. It is also frightening because they are still vulnerable/young to some of the darker aspects of the web culture, e.g. trolling. I know a few gay couples who upload vblogs and they receive so many letters and messages from young people asking for help on all aspects of things. Really what I mean that they don’t feel so much alone and its ‘easier’ to find someone they can reach out to.

    PS Foster Family is one my favourite reads this year :-)

    Like

    • jaimesamms says:

      It is scary how much they have access to, which is why I try so hard to keep the dialogue open about anything and everything. And thanks :) I’m really glad you liked it!

      Like

      • su says:

        Hello Jamie, thank you for your response. Have you any more stories in the ‘plot pot’ for Kerry, Malcolm and Charlie or anyone else from their circle?

        I agree, that due to this information overload your doing the best thing with letting your kid(s) know they can talk to you about anything and they know you won’t judge them.

        Like

        • jaimesamms says:

          I never say never about stories. So far, I haven’t planned anything, but I’ve changed my mind before, so one never knows ;)

          I only hope my kids feel comfortable with talking to us. It’s really the best I can offer them

          Like

  12. Good morning, everyone, and many thanks for following along on the HAHAT 2014 Blog Tour, and many thanks to Jaime Samms for sharing this wonderful post with The Novel Approach. The $20 Dreamspinner Gift Card giveaway winner has been selected.

    Shirley Ann Speakman, you’re the lucky reader! I’ve emailed DSP customer service for prize delivery, so expect to hear from them soon. :)

    Like

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