The Novel Approach would like to extend a final thank you to everyone who has followed along, commented, and participated in any way in the Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia.
Being Bi is a curious thing.
Trust me. People are curious when you tell them you’re bi. It’s like you’ve mentioned having an extra toe or that the white patch of hair at your temple is not dyed, but grows that way naturally. They want to know if that’s even truly possible. If it’s real.
Worse, they want to see. Like something about you that is so ingrained and intimate should be questioned and examined by people who don’t really know you.
And try telling someone who you do know well and watch the accusations fly. Like something that intrinsic and personal should have been their personal right to know about me. Because…why? It makes me a different person to be bi when five minutes ago, I was…what? Apparently straight? And why would you think that about me? Or, rather, why would you assume it?
And see, that’s the problem I have. I think that’s the problem a lot of people have. We assume that people are one way without ever bothering to imagine that we might be 100% wrong. Why do I have to explain to someone I have no romantic or physical interest in who I might be romantically or physically attracted to? I don’t. Because it isn’t part of that relationship. Period. (And FYI, person, if you think it has a bearing on the relationship, that isn’t my problem, it’s yours.)
Why would it matter to the person I am committed to who else I might find attractive? Either they trust me to be faithful or they don’t. Does it matter the gender of the person I could theoretically be unfaithful with? Or does it matter that the person I’m with is confident in my love for them and my commitment to only be with them, because that is the promise I made? Being bi doesn’t make me any less willing to commit to the person I love. It just doesn’t. Period. (And FYI, if the relationship isn’t based in trust, that’s a whole other issue. Thankfully, mine is, 150% based on absolute trust and it goes both ways.) Also, being prone to faithlessness to a partner is something that comes from a whole other place in a person’s soul than who they may or may not be attracted to. Just sayin’.
So, before I rant too much more, let’s just agree on one thing. I know all the arguments for and against being bi. I’ve angrily and heatedly spouted them all at various people at various times of my life.There are a million angry arguments about why my orientation and preferences are no one’s business but my own and why I don’t have to defend myself for it, or share it if I don’t want to.
There is one reason for me to speak up, and it’s this conversation I had with my teenage daughter less than a month ago.
Me: Did you ever ask [cute boy from one of her classes] to the movies?
Her: No. *sigh* I was too nervous. I guess I wasn’t ready.
Me: I guess not. *hugging her* Don’t worry about it. You’ll get a chance.
Her: I’ll have a chance to ask him again. Or to ask some other boy. Me: Is there another boy?
Her: No. But if there were a boy, or a maybe girl *glances sheepishly from beneath the brim of her pageboy hat* I wanted to go to the movies with, and I’m supposed to go, then I won’t feel so awkward asking. It’ll feel like the right time to ask, and I’ll ask, and it’ll be fine. *turns on Netflix* And they’ll have to like Dr. Who and Glee. and be at least as nerdy as I am.
Me: *refrains from observing aloud that there is probably not another teen on the planet as nerdy, as beautiful, or as brilliant, as mine.* Because that would just embarrass the hell out of her. But it’s my mother’s prerogative to be proud of her.
I sure as hell know I was not so self-aware as she is when I was that age. I barely knew there was such a thing as same-sex attraction, and what I did know made me afraid I was either a freak or crazy. I think “nerd” is quite a step up from where I was at her age, and I hope that not being afraid to be who I am, finally, so late in the game for me, is what has made her think nothing much of announcing who she is, who she might be, who she wants to be. That’s why talking about it is important.
About the Author: Jaime has been writing for various publishers since the fall of 2008, although she’s been writing for herself far longer. Often asked why men; what’s so fascinating about writing stories about men falling in love, she’s never come up with a clear answer. Just that these are the stories that she loves to read, so it seemed to make sense if she was going to write, they should also be the stories she wrote.
These days, you can find plenty of free reading on her website. She also writes for Freya’s Bower, Loveyoudivine Alterotica, Pink Petal Books, Dreamspinner Press and Total E-Bound.
Spare time, when it can be found rolled into a ball at the back of the dryer or cavorting with the dust bunnies in the corners, she’s probably spending reading, drawing, gardening (weather permitting, of course, since she is Canadian!) or watching movies. Well. She has a day job or two, as well, and two kids, but thankfully, also a wonderful husband who shoulders more than his fair share of household and child care responsibilities.
She graduated some time ago from college with a Fine Arts diploma, with a major in textile arts, which basically qualifies her to draw pictures and create things with string and fabric. One always needs an official slip of paper to fall back on after all….